Yoga pants are so hot, wearing them in public should be illegal. For real. Really illegal, including fines and jail time. While it may seem a drastic, leaders in schools and government offices across the country believe the garb is too distracting for young boys and grown men alike. Yes, this reasoning stokes enough feminist ire to burn a forest to dust, and yes, North American jails already hold more non-violent offenders than any other Western country, but it raises an additional concern that really must be addressed.
For those who have embraced the yoga pants trend, there may be more at stake than creepy stares and fines. You may not even be wearing pants at all. That’s right.
Let me explain.
Yoga pants (actual pants) have been stirring up controversy for years. Some would even say there is a full-blown war on them. In Boston, many schools have banned the pants because their young men just can’t handle the darn things. Apparently, they’re more distracting than cheerleaders skirts.
A Christian blogger and housewife must have begun reading these headlines as well, because she recently made news by throwing down her gauntlets in support of the anti-yoga-pantsters. Apparently, she had never realized that her yoga pants might make men look at her lustfully. Now that she’s aware of this shocking fact, she has declared that she will no longer wear her yoga pants in public. She never mentioned yoga in her post, so it is unclear on whether this means she will start attending yoga classes in no pants at all.
All of this enmity towards the lycra craze reached a dramatic climax recently when a congressman in Montana became so disturbed by the garment, he felt he finally had to take action. He has proposed a law that would qualify yoga pants as indecent exposure. While this initially seems so absurd it’s funny, violators could face very real fines and jail time. Repeat offenders could face life in prison and a $10,000 fine.
It’s reasonable for schools to have dress codes, and to be fair, some yoga pants are actually see through. However, as so many before us have, lets throw all reason to the side and address the question that everyone should be addressing. Wearing yoga pants in public is one thing, but the bigger question is this: Are you wearing pants? Some of you certainly think you are, but the truth is, you are not wearing pants!
This will be hard for some of you to hear, but if your “pants” have built in feet, a padded crotch, or are reinforced around the waist, you are probably wearing either tights or leggings as pants. Many of these garments are in fact, not pants, and wearing them in public is akin to wearing no pants at all. If you still feel challenged answering this question, please refer to this helpful infographic.
If you’ve discovered you’re wearing tights, put some pants on. If you discovered you are in fact wearing leggings as pants, the waters get much murkier. Aside from potentially driving otherwise rational men over the proverbial ledge, there isn’t a clear cut answer here. Some will say you’re pantless, while others will proclaim you have discovered the holy grail of clothing, and everyone should follow your lead.
Regardless of where you stand on yoga pants, we can probably all agree that our society is not yet ready to ditch pants altogether (or are we?). So remember, make sure you are wearing pants, make sure they aren’t see through, and please, help a sister out if she isn’t wearing pants or has fallen victim to see through pants.
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